I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to fling myself into the sun
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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