Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
