things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
