He told me they were just razor bumps!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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