so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
