The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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