I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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