dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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