this is something i pride myself on being below average for
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
