Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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