If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
