Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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