Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
