I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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