I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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