THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
