Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
