I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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