Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
