I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
