I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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