No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
