I'm eating all of the evidence.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
