he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
