Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
