Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
