More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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