Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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