yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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