I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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