i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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