And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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