We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
