Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
