You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
