Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
