so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
