so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
