i permit you to call me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
