went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
