im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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