i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
