You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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