I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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