if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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