He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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