one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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