I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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