Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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