i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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