Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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