I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
