glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
