Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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