whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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