Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
