quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
