There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
