are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
