dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
