I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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