his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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