did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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