You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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