I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
