I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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