At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
