That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
