1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
