Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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