There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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