Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
